How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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