I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
