How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
