i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize