Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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