her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it hurts more in the daytime
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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