Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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