if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
