if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
