a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
