I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
