tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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