we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
