In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
