This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
