Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
operation harelip BJ is a go
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize