someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
