Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
