woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
