I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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