too bad you live with your parents still
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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