I'm eating all of the evidence.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
