I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
