it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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