Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this beer tastes like vomit already
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
