I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
