I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
