I am in a vortex of obligation.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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