woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
