I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
