life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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