Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
