that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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