I like to think it a success when the cops are called
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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