the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
