A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
