Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
