JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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