Nicole vs. Life
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
