I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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