Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize