if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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