he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
