I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
