So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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