where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
