dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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