JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
