If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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