How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
