I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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