I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
