Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
