so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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