I think i peed on brittanys purse
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
