and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
