When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
