and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
