so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
