dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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