I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize