Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
