I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
