Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
