oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
