Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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