So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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