Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
