So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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