I can text with my tongue
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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