Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize