Define "chronic" masturbator.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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