I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
